Where it All Began

I'll Never Forget that Day by the Pool

My young sons and I had just moved into a new neighborhood after their dad and I got divorced. We were the only ones at the community pool that early summer day: them on one side, me on the other. I heard tiny, excited voices yell across the water, “Mom! Come play with us!”I looked over at my 8- and 6-year-old wide-eyed kids, enthusiastic and eager to experience their new “backyard” pool with their momma, waved them off, and in a bulimic hangover slurred, “Nahh. I’m good.”

That was the moment I realized I wouldn’t even hire me as a babysitter, much less be the one responsible for teaching them how to do life.

That was the day my life – our lives – changed forever.

It was then I made the decision my boys would be better off living with their dad.

…and I only saw my sons five times in six years.

Five.times.

What happened during that time they spent without their mom, though, is why you’re reading this right now. Those six years were filled searching for anything I could find that promised to (or even hinted that it might) cure the bulimia — to rescue me from myself and fill the voids I’d been so desperate my whole life to fill.

They were also burdened with more disappointment, failure, and hopelessness.

It wasn’t until I learned what I now know to be 1000% true that everything changed.

Once I learned I was living from acceptance rather than for it, felt seen and heard rather than believing I didn’t matter — once I trusted in who and Whose I am — hope was restored.

I spent less time wearing a path between the pantry and the bathroom.

My relationships got deeper and more meaningful.

I no longer felt that when people looked at me they only saw my secret.

Once I learned the “cure” for me is the same cure for every person who’s ever drawn a breath or who ever will — that each one of us matters and we don’t have to prove it — I knew I was on to something HUGE. I discovered I had in my possession the white flag that ends the wars raging over our identities and worthiness.

I learned I was still alive to share this hope and freedom with my sons and with YOU.

I risked sharing my story with my kids so they'd have the understanding and opportunity to make their own decisions about whether they wanted me in their lives or not.

Fast forward more than a decade and my boys -- er, young men -- and I are still having those deep conversations, but now we're also able to truly enjoy each others' company because none of us are hiding behind lie-dentities. We're refreshingly present. We respect each other. We keep each other in check, and more often than not they're my greatest teachers and reminders of what really matters.

Now it's your turn to show up for all that you are…and all that you are not.

It’s time you too learn to embrace your unique identity rather than continue trying to adjust it to match someone else’s.

Now is the time for you to enjoy your success and experience that fulfillment you’ve been craving.

Now is the perfect time to get started...

...and you don't -- and won't -- have to do it alone.

Danica Trebel

THE WHY DETECTOR

Danica spent her life trying to find a place where she fit in. She remembers being a young girl who was told what to think rather than being taught how to think. Everyone around her reinforced the belief that her best would never be good enough and that being seen was just as bad as being heard. Her lie-dentity was set by the age of five — about the same age her sons were when they went to live with their dad and she only saw them a few times in six years.

That didn’t stop her from always wanting to help others feel like they matter, that they have value and something powerful to say. Her way of giving what she never had was helping make other people’s lives easier by lightening their workload — being the best Vanna White/utility player she could possibly be for others and by sparing her sons from the life of desperation she was living.

She got really good at many, many things and learned to adapt anywhere she went, yet she never felt fulfilled.

…until decades into her intimate relationship with bulimia when she finally understood the best way to serve people is to help them know they matter for who they are, not for what they do or don’t do — starting with herself. Once she unlearned the lie-dentity and discovered her WHY-dentity – who and Whose she is – hope happened. Her battle cry became, “I never want anyone to feel alone, lonely, unworthy, or unheard; like they’re defined by their secret struggles…ever!”

Today Danica is healthy, has an enviable relationship with her sons, and is a WHY.os Certified Coach who’s still alive to help people live knowing their WHY, HOW, and WHAT so they can show up powerfully, lead extraordinarily, and love full out…every day.